265 pounds. I blinked and somehow I was 265 pounds. I was tired all the time, I had high blood pressure, all kinds of hormonal issues, my joints were worn out. Y’all, I was 20 years old and felt like an old woman already. I was (not so slowly) killing myself from the inside out.
I look back now at who I was at that point in my life and it all seems so completely foreign and distant to me. But when I really think about it, I’m still that girl. I still struggle to make healthy food choices each day. I still have to dig down deep and find motivation to get myself to the gym each and everyday. So what changed between then and now?? What happened to make me wake up and realize that change needed to take place? I’ve always known how to eat healthy. I grew up in the sport of competitive gymnastics so I understand what working out looks and feels like. What shifted in my life to lead me to actually implement those ideas though? Well, I’ll tell you.
I had my ah-ha moment one day shortly after I turned 21. My husband and I were coming up on our year anniversary of being married and so, of course, we had begun talking about children. I had been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome right before we got married and part of what goes along with that is potential issues with fertility. Add onto that my obesity and I knew we were very likely to have some struggles. At this time in my life, I was also a nanny for a family with 2 young girls. Keeping up with the girls, especially at places like the park, was really difficult for me. I got winded easily, I was slow and my weight limited me on what I was able to do physically.
I took one big look at all this and I did the one thing that changed things forever: I discovered my WHY. I made a decision that I was NOT going to be “the fat mom”. I know that sounds really shallow, but I swear it was not at all. It was never about looks or trying to “fit in”. It was about me realizing that my future children deserved a healthy mom! They deserved to be incubated in a womb that was in tip top shape. They deserved a mom that could run around the house after them without having to stop from being winded. They deserved a mom that would climb on the jungle gym and slide with them instead of having to sit on the bench and watch. My kids were my WHY. My kids were exactly what I needed to kick my tail into shape. I want to watch them grow up and get married and have babies of their own. I want to experience life with them, and that wasn’t going to be possible if I continued down the destructive path I was taking.
I find that those who are struggling with motivation of any kind can really benefit from realizing and understanding their why. It may not be weight loss and it may not be your children, but if you find yourself really lacking the drive to get done what you need to, ask yourself “why am I doing this?? What is it that I’m really desiring to get out of this?” Anytime I’m struggling now to do what I know I need to, I think about my why. I think about my kids. I think about their faces as they watch me cross a half marathon finish line, or their smiles when I play on the playground with them. And no food, no lazy feelings, no anything is worth not giving those things to them! They are worth every bit of sweat, every sacrifice, everything.
What’s your WHY???